Writing about Writing about Writing (Part I)

Writing about Writing.

Today I wanted to share some of my wisdom of the craft of writing.

1. Use adverbs liberally to spice up your prose!

2. Never use adverbs under any circumstances.

3. Readers get bored easily, so keep you writing simple and fast-paced.

4. God is in the details, so pour them on like gravy and your work will stand out! Also, don’t forget to keep your work slow-paced to build up tension!

5. Listen to the advice of other writers and writing experts; they walk the same path, so they know what they’re talking about.

6. Never listen to other writers, because you need to find your own voice and your own path in the literary world.

7. Show, don’t tell.

8. Sometimes, things need to be told to the reader to help worldbuilding.

Well, I hoped those simple rules helped you guys, I’m going off to have lunch, and when I come back I expect you all to have written the next bestseller!

… okay, it turns out I need to wait for my oven to warm up before I can eat, so while we wait I’ll put the srs bizness hat on and admit the truth; I know sod all about ‘the craft of writing’. I only know how I write, and what feedback I’ve had regarding my writing has been mostly positive, but then, none of this feedback was from professionals.

I read articles and books about writing and I’m always thinking, ‘huh, I don’t do that,’ and ‘don’t do that? But I love that!’ and ‘wow, this is vague’. I hear that writers are sensitive, lonely, tortured souls, and I think: well, I’m not. I hear writers are social creatures who thrive in community and among friends, and I think: well, I’m not. Readers don’t like this (I do). Readers like that (I don’t).

I don’t do drafts. I don’t plot ahead. I use adverbs whenever I feel like one. I like detail and slow-pacing that accelerates to major events every now and again. I think you have to do at least some telling, however much I harp about exposition dumps in my reviews—and I don’t see why I shouldn’t do reviews and write at the same time (well, maybe not exactly at the same time, that would make for some strange prose…) I am not sensitive. I am not lonely. Apart from grammar aid and other mechanical aspects, I don’t agree with half the advice given to aspiring writers, even though I know I’ve never published a thing.

And yet, every day I sit in front of my computer and bang my hands against my keyboard like an angry monkey and somehow words and plots and characters appear on the screen before me and some large part of my over-inflated ego tells me that there are other people in the world who would be entertained by these ramblings, and I must inflict them on the world at large.

So at the end of the day, or at least at the end of the time it will take for my chips to be done, I think we all need to be individuals.

Yes, we are all individuals.

And we must all think for ourselves.

Yes, we must all think for ourselves. Tell us more, Messiah!

… oh, very well.

(Tune in later this afternoon/evening for some actual writing about writing about writing!)

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