One Year Closer To Death… And Diddilydum?

No, it’s not my birthday–rather it is the one year anniversary of me starting this blog. Hooray. As a treat for you all, I’ve prepared nothing, nothing at all, because I didn’t realise it was the anniversary until WordPress told me just now. Unfortunately the rest of today was spent dwelling on the fact that I hate everything in the world, so I’m not in the celebratory mood.

Well, I guess I still have my writing. Who could possibly hate that? No one, of course–at least if they know what’s good for them!

So here’s some of my writing…

… From when I was ten years old. See the notes at the end for some kind of insight into… this. For another example of my ten-year-old self’s work, read my post entitled ‘In The Beginning There Was… Teletubbies?’, which I wrote back in February ( ). As it was there, the punctuation and grammar have been altered for readability, but otherwise this is as it was written. For some of my more recent writing, Buy my novel, ‘Rooks of the Knot’ from amazon or kindle, as a birthday present to this blog.



Diddilydum was a fly. He was very stupid and extremly lazy. Diddilydum met Melady Clam; they became best friends. One day Melady Clam died. [1]

HOORAY[2] shouted Diddilydum I dont have to pay for her birthday  present.

Diddilydum had a new best friend, Sitting Duck. Sitting Duck, was sitting around when Diddilydum gave him a new and improved, wonderful assassination.[3] Sitting Duck died.

Yippee, cried Diddilydum I dont have to pay for his christmas present. Diddilydum got another best friend ………….

sdhgrdnhgfkyrdyhr,kurhfrjtwyrfytrjyredmjhgfj,ht,kuty,oipoiyoiyopouliyel [4]

Diddilydum found out he was a zillion years old and luckily enough


died ( obviously)[5]

Now stupid lazy old Diddilydum got a new best friend……..Colonel Zex [6]

Diddilydum thought he could kill Zex. But Zex new how to pilot a Gundam

and he blew Diddilydum to SMITHERINES[7][8]




[1] If we assume that the ‘Melady Clam’ mentioned here is the same figure who attempted to defeat the Teletubbies in ‘Teletubbies‘ with song, and failed–leading to her death and cannibalisation at their hands, then this story must have been running concurrently with that one.

[2] Unlike in ‘Teletubbies’, no speech marks appear in this work. As ‘Teletubbies’ predates ‘Diddilydum’, it appears this was a stylistic decision on the author’s part; but perhaps, given the author’s present laziness, these were simply left out because she could not be bothered to include them.

[3] As the assassination mentioned (and spelled incorrectly) here is described as improved, one can infer that Sitting Duck had been assassinated before, and given his name is ‘Sitting Duck’ and death was never permanent in my stories, this seems likely. One wonders why his death was considered an ‘assassination’, rather than simply a murder.

[4] Another character whose name was decided by randomly hitting keys on the keyboard for a few seconds–a method I forgot to include in my recent post regarding naming your characters; most famously used in the classic story ‘The Eye of Argon’.

[5] ‘Diddilydum‘ unlike many of my stories from this time, does not end with the introduction of a randomly named impossibly old character, or with a statement of their death, but rather inserts it here, near the middle. An interesting anomaly.

[6] This is (incorrectly spelled) the character ‘Zechs Merquise’, from the anime ‘Gundam Wing’ which was popular at the time and the first fandom of the author. I believe the rights to the character belong to Toonami.

[7] Smitherines. def. ‘Small pieces of Mr. Smithers from the popular American cartoon show, The Simpsons’ ?

[8] One can assume this conflict with Diddilydum the Fly was the reason Colonel Zechs was unable to assist the free world during the regime of the Teletubbies, leaving their defeat to the serial killing school teacher Mrs. Gloop.

Well, writing all that pointless shit as made me feel a lot better, as has the news that a;fjvh;euhfpsiuehbglkwrhgisgblhrgpiwuehtrgiuiueyriuhfb has died, aged 19, after being cleft in twain by the famed barbarian Grignr only two weeks out of the academy. Happy anniversary, scum!


4 thoughts on “One Year Closer To Death… And Diddilydum?

  1. Haha that was beautiful! Your ten year old mind was VERY creative.


    • rachelloon says:

      Ha, you might think so now, but in truth most of the stories I wrote back then went like this. A stupidly named character is introduced. They kill a bunch of people. Then they die. Still, it does seem to indicate the origin of my love of villain protagonists!


  2. W.R.Gingell says:

    So, I read this to my sister. Her reply: “Ha. So there’s someone else like you out there.”
    I think she was referring to my poems ‘Ode to a Cockroach (RIP)’ and ‘The Flea’ (a parody of ‘I think that I shall never see, a poem so lovely as a tree’ etc) when I was about 10.
    I had two very horrible days at work, and this actually made me (literally) LOL. Well, more of a ‘snork, snork, snork, snicker’, but still . . .
    So thanks 😀


    • rachelloon says:

      If you like this story then you will be pleased to know that Diddilydum will return (Somehow… seeing as he died at the end of this sad tale) in the slightly longer story, ‘The Return of Diddilydum’. Maybe I’ll post that one for Christmas 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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