Missing Word Stories: The Princess Wizard

Hey, suckers–pinch, punch, first of the month and no returns to all of you, nyah!

In blog news, this blog got its highest number of likes ever yesterday, I am the man!

(Yes, I am the man even though I am a woman. In Old English the word ‘man’ is gender-neutral. Also the language was inflected and contained letters that pretty much no longer exist, but I stand by the whole ‘man’ thing more than the others).

Anyway, if you’re anything like me then you probably long ago reached the point where quoting from a certain movie based on a certain novel by William Goldman has become so tedious that every time you hear someone say their name is ‘Inigo Montoya’ you’re ready to kill a whole lot more than just their father, and death would frankly be a mercy.

So why not freshen up the old tale with some mad-libs missing-word-story action that me and my friend put together back in the summer of 2005!? Here is the glorious re-imagining of ‘The Princess Bride’: ‘The Princess Wizard’!

The Wizard Bride

Truly, a more up-lifting tale than the one it was based on. And of course, there is an illustration to go along with it, as Joquain fights the 65,000 fingered man [some of whose fingers are unfortunately off-page, but I fit in as many as I could!] who ate his father within sight of the hydroxypropyltrimoniumoxychloride swamp. Funnily enough, there’s one of those right near where I live. Keeps flooding in the summer, stupid swamp…

The Wizard Bride Illustrated


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