A Beautiful Dark: ‘Of Course We Have Powers!’ (Part II)

PART TWO

Chapter Nineteen

Half-way mark! That’s super-exciting!

Let’s have another recap: two winged boys from opposite sides of a paranormal conflict showed up to stalk a girl whose eyes changed colour, and was a child of both sides. She sprained her ankle during an avalanche, then a girl called Raven showed up.

Wow, things are definitely happening!

Like Skye, doubting the existence of avalanche survivor support groups after Cassie suggests she join one. And Cassie, getting mad at Skye for not paying enough attention to her band—the Mysterious Ellipses. Because all ellipses are mysterious, apparently…

Yeah, when I use them it just sounds dubious.

Anyway, Asher and Devin pop up and tell Skye that they have to go have a training montage to help her control her powers.

Oh, ‘A Beautiful Dark’—you know how much I love training montages!

Chapter Twenty

The YA Romance gods decide to reward my worship by sending me this line by way of Asher:

“We’re not human, Skye. Of course we have powers.”

Yes, it’s true, everything that isn’t human has magical powers. I mean, did people actually think they could trust chinchillas? What about pineapples, are you saying you didn’t think they could shoot laser beams from their eyes? What kind of idiots are you!?

Anyway, the Guardians and La Resistance have different sorts of powers because…

Uh… Reasons for powers are stupid, that’s why! So then there’s more boring exposition.

Chapter Twenty-One

Skye fails to have any powers and Asher is annoying. Also he comes into her room at night like a creeper. She berates him for being such a douchebag, and he says that if he wasn’t a douchebag, he’d have to tell her all the scary stuff that’s happening. What a great excuse!

Then Skye lets slip that Raven’s around and Asher buggers off.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Our heroine tries to avoid her stalkers because somehow she thinks there’s something they’re not telling her. As you can imagine, this avoidance lasts all of a page and a half. After a boring conversation with Devin, Asher whisks Skye away in the middle of the night for more skiing and an even more boring conversation!

Chapter Twenty-Three

Skye gets a bad grade and has to do a make-up paper, oh noes! But then Asher sets the building on fire so she gets out of it, yay. He and Devin keep going on about how important it is that she learn to control her powers, but so far they haven’t actually given a reason as to why it’s so important…

Then Asher and Devin have a dick-measuring fight about Raven while Skye stands around screaming uselessly until her powers show up and she destroys a water tower.

Oops.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Asher leaves Devin to clear up the mess and flies away with Skye, who—in her no doubt perfect fragility—fainted after using her powers. They end up playing checkers, and the title is randomly dropped.

This somehow leads to Asher basically calling Skye a cock-tease for wearing a tank top, and this in turn leads to twu wuv. Somehow?

Chapter Twenty-Five

Aunt Jo calls up to make sure Child Services haven’t been calling—it’ll interfere with her eventual plan to murder Skye with an ice pick!

Then Raven breaks into Skye’s house to do some villainous exposition. It seems the future-seeing guys can’t see Skye’s future, and Raven thinks this is a good reason to taunt Skye. Makes sense to me!

She also claims Skye is tempting Devin with her main character-ness, and tells her to stay away from him. Wow, never seen that one before. Looks like Drina from Evermore has come again.

… and just as soon, she leaves, so Skye can moon about Asher some more.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Cassie is in the story again, god knows why, and gets upset with Skye for not paying attention to her over the past few chapters, for which Skye blames the distortion of time, inadvertently giving me ideas for a much more interesting story premise…

Asher, meanwhile is beginning to have second thoughts about the relationship with Skye being such a good idea, what with his mission and all, so she explodes with anger and flounces.

She then has a walk with Devin and… I hate to say it guys, but… *gulp*

This is an excellent scene.

OH NO! SCHLOCKHOLM SYNDROME STRIKES AGAIN!

*reboot*

Ahem. Anyway, Devin extols the virtues of Big Brother again, heals a flower, and then Skye drives him home, aww. Then Skye decides to stay the night at his house! Scandalous!

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Whoah, they’re suddenly sleeping in the same bed, talk about scandalous! Seriously, slow down guys, she was sucking face with the prick just yesterday! And Devin—you’re engaged!

But what really gets Skye to leave is that whole Raven threatening to kill her for going near Devin thing.

Wow, that was a short chapter…

Chapter Twenty-Eight

We’ve reached the point where even thinking about Asher and Devin apparently gives Skye a seizure. That must be inconvenient.

Well, she decides the best plan is to sit in the bathroom crying until Cassie comes along. She twigs that Skye is stuck choosing between the boys… which is funny, seeing as there’s never been any impetus for her to choose between them before now. I’m serious–I mean, she’s compared them against each other before, sure, but always in a mostly idle fashion–her mental-crisis thus far has seemed entirely to do with the fact that they and the supernatural exist at all, not which of them or which of their sides she should ‘choose’. Or if she did I must have missed it.

Then the title is randomly dropped again, and the girls have a friendship necklace moment.

Aww. Wait, did I say ‘aww’? I meant bleeeuugh…

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Skye fails to have powers again and everyone is upset with each other. Then Aunt Jo shows up again, and Skye asks about her family, which has apparently suddenly occurred to her to ask.

Pancakes ensue, and Skye feels that as long as she has Aunt Jo, she can do anything.

What do you want to bet Aunt Jo is not long for this world?

Chapter Thirty

Cassie’s band makes an unwelcome return to the plot, and the wings-crew go up to the mountains for more training montage. This time Devin almost gets randomly crushed by a convenient boulder, and Skye turns back time to save him. Yay, Skye has powers after all.

This causes Devin and Asher to start arguing again, Devin wanting her to stay and practice more, while Asher’s like ‘whatevs, brah’, and Skye flounces off to watch the band, during which time Dan shows up to remind the reader that there was a character called Dan in the book, and Skye realises that Cassie is in love with him, something I’d already realised ages ago despite Dan barely having a presence in the story.

Devin arrives and asks Skye for a dance, while Asher emos out, and Cassie invites herself and everyone else to a party at Skye’s house, foreshadowed as something that will go terribly wrong.

Chapter Thirty-One

Skye attempts to tell Cassie about the dumb plot of the book, but fails, and instead tells her about her and Asher’s dumb relationship. I don’t really blame her, I mean, the book doesn’t really have much of a plot after all. 80% in, guys!

Our wuvving wuvvers have an argument about nothing, Ian is seen talking to another girl and Skye immediately assumes they’re going out, and underage drinking ensues. Yay.

Chapter Thirty-Two

The party’s over, and didn’t go terribly wrong.

So what was the foreshadowing about?

Anyway, Skye and Cassie have a sleepover, and Asher does some more stalking and doesn’t even close the window when he’s finished—how inconsiderate! They run into Devin the next day and he offers to fix Cassie’s dead car. Duplicity is foreshadowed on his part, we’ll see what that leads to in a mo.

Asher shows up while Skye is shopping and warns her that Devin can only do what Big Brother tells him to, so Big Brother is having Cassie’s car fixed for nefarious purposes or something, probably they’re going to kill her because Skye almost told her what was happening, Big Brother can be a dumbass like that.

What I want to know is does that mean Devin has to get permission every time he needs to take a piss?

Then Skye passes out and has a vision of stuff in the parking lot.

Chapter Thirty-Three

Cassie drives off in her definitely-not-sabotaged car, and Skye and Asher have more Boring Conversation about wuv and choices. Then Skye realises Asher doesn’t have a heartbeat! Gasp! He must secretly be a flower!

He also gives us this line: “It’s a misconception that you need a heart to love.”

Thank you for that, Asher.

Chapter Thirty-Four

Well, what do you know, Cassie was in a car crash. This will probably have something to do with Devin or Raven or something, but personally I wouldn’t put it past Cassie on the best of days. Anyway, she got a few broken bones and it turns out her brakes weren’t working (nice job checking over the car, Asher!) so Skye goes off to find Devin so he can use his magic healing powers.

Even though he’s probably also the one who caused the crash…

Anyway, he doesn’t, of course, because Big Brother didn’t tell him to. You know, this book really should have explained the whole ‘Devin can only follow BB’s orders’ thing better, as far as I’m aware it only really came into play two chapters ago. Skye is then lead to wonder if he was the one to cut the brakes.

Wait, she’s only wondering that now?!

Devin wanders off and Asher goes to try and get the truth from him though Skye whines about him ‘leaving’ her.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Skye decides to try and heal Cassie herself, while rambling on about stuff that’s happened in the book in case we were able to forget it, but only succeeds in blowing up one of the machines.

Then Raven shows up to reveal it was her who removed the brakes from Cassie’s car! Wow, what a shock. (what really would have been a shock is if Asher had done it, but never mind)

It looks like we have a chapter of taunting exposition ahead of us, wherein Raven spouts exposition and makes everything sound like a taunt. ‘And then you went to school, didn’t you, Skye? Ha! School, how ordinary and boring! As if that useless waste of time could prepare you for the horrors the Order have prepared! But what did you do after school, hmm? You got yourself a milkshake. A milkshake! As if you couldn’t get any more pathetic!’

(She doesn’t actually say that, but it’s a close thing.)

Anyway, Raven reveals (for… some reason) that Big Brother has been trying to kill Skye her entire life, in which case… wow, they’re useless. And La Resistance are useless too, for not defeating them before now. Devin was ordered to remove the brakes from the car but didn’t, because Skye has the power to warp the destinies of everyone around her, blah, blah, blah.

Then Raven threatens Aunt Jo, oh noes!

Chapter Thirty-Six

Because Skye has apparently never read Twilight, she rushes off to the rescue of her mother-figure, is distracted by flashbacks, and has a car accident, what a ninny.

Sadly, she is unharmed, but Raven’s blocking her phone with magic and more taunting, and tells Skye to come with her. So Skye does.

What. A. Ninny.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Raven takes Skye to some angels she’s ‘never seen before’, which I’d like to remind everyone includes all angels except Asher and Devin, who are also there with their bosses, ‘Astaroth’ and ‘Oriax’.

…oh boy.

They tell her she must choose between light and darkness, so that thing the book was supposed to be about has finally come into play, 95% in. And Astaroth expects her to choose Big Brother, despite them trying to kill her all the time and causing her dead parent wangst—that’s confidence for you!

But rather than making a choice, Skye flips her shit, suddenly declaring that Asher doesn’t really care about her, and her powers start going out of control until Asher gives her a hug.

However, this makes Asterix and Orac or whatever their names are agree that she’s too powerful, and must be destroyed, so Asterix gets his magic sword…

…and stabs Orac. Well, I wasn’t expecting that, good on you, Asterix!

He then orders Devin to kill Skye, but Devin refuses, then he tries to blurt out a warning, vanishes, and then reappears and stabs her, and Asher flies her away, begging for her not to die.

The End

Well, that was weird.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Umm…

Raven: Ha-ha! Isn’t it just like you to be lost for words—a so-called writer, who probably thinks she’s a master of the craft, being unable to form the very simplest of sentences!

Oh, hello, Raven, how are you?

Raven: How am I? Let me guess—you think you can try to trap me with your excuse for ‘conversational skills’. I don’t think so, you pathetic, socially awkward human; you have no idea of the power those of us who follow the Order are capable of!

That’s nice. Anyway, this book kind of reminds me of that one rhyme—

Raven: Oh, you’re going to give us a rhyme, are you? Well go ahead, little girl, try your best to impress someone who knows far more than you could ever dream of!

Right… anyway, you know the one—’when she was good she was very, very good, but when she was bad she was horrid’?

Raven: Whoever you’re talking about better not be going anywhere near Devin! He belongs to MEEEE! The Order says so!

Raven: Oh, I see, you’re going to end the review now, because you can’t hope to compete with the power of the Order, or me!

… I’ll see you guys again, my computer needs fixing so I’ll just pop off to the repair shop.

Raven: And her computer’s broken! My heart BLEEDS! You mortal idiot, isn’t that just precious!? Hey, where are you going, I have some more taunting to do! Hello? Hello?!

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