Missing Word Stories: Procrastinations

Well, what else are you going to do when you’re stuck in AS English Lit but write up a one-page synopsis of the text you’re studying, leave some words out and ask your friend to fill them in with only the type of the word you’re looking for for her to go on? I obviously couldn’t think of anything, and that’s why the aptly named ‘Procrastinations‘ was created, like Eve from Adam, out of the bones of Brian Friel’s ‘Translations‘.


(which you’ve probably never heard of, but hey–I only have a limited number of these things to work with, and for obvious reasons this one was on my mind at the time; however much I wished it wasn’t. This version is at least a lot less miserable than the original.)

Procrastinations’ was almost certainly done in 2007, so a couple of years later than my previous stories, and with a different friend filling in the words, which you can probably guess from the early use of the word ‘penis’.

Also different is the illustration; which I did just now since I clearly couldn’t be bothered to do one eight years ago, and is therefore a vast improvement on those of my fifteen-year-old self…

Oh my god. I’ve just realised it’s been ten years since I was fifteen. NOOOOOOOOOOOO–I’m so OLD!


In the brand new illustration spoken of before, we see the Irish witch doctor Hugh gazing with disapproval at his son Grayson Peg and his friend Yolland of the evil land of Rotherham (a name-replacement that you can either cringe or laugh at these days depending on how morbid your sense of humour is) as they rename the ancient Irish cities of ‘Glasgow’, ‘Mars’ and ‘Suffolk’ with more ‘Rotherham-ic’ appellations, on a masterfully drawn outline of the island. It’s vaguely recognisable as Ireland and everything.

Procrastinations Illustrated

There you have it. I sure did write a blog post just now, didn’t I? Productivity FTW, as they say.


The Job: A Tale of Revenge and Murder!

Hello, blog-readers! The worst writer on wordpress has returned to give you all an update on what I’ve been doing since I posted a cartoon of a purple vampire sheep a few weeks ago. The answer is: I have a (relatively) new job! One that requires me to actually go into work sometimes; I have to get dressed in the mornings and everything, it’s awful!

In fact, it’s so awful, I poured my feelings out through the medium of art to share them with the world. Behold–having a job!

The Job 1 The Job 2 The Job 3 The Job 4 The Job 5

I’m sure you can all agree my fears are very realistic. I might require my workplace to put trigger warnings on the filing cabinets from now on.

Incidentally, my cartoon-self appearing bald in this graphic novelette is representative of what my new haircut feels like, and not because I was too lazy to draw hair. Even though I did this comic weeks before my recent hair-cut. Timing!

There is other stuff I want to post, but in all seriousness I just have no motivation during summer months–I don’t know why. Last year I claimed my blog ran in ‘seasons’ like TV shows, and if that remains the case then I guess this counts as a holiday-special post (for the holiday of… *checks Twitter*… #blackcatappreciationday!) until Season 3 starts in September.

Also in all seriousness: I love my job really. Hope you all loved this post half as much. 🙂